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24th May
2012
posted by amber

Dear John,

It’s over. I won’t be seeing you anymore.

You must realize that this is mostly your fault. You have never treated me well. You’ve always taken me for granted – that I would be there when you needed me, but the rest of the time you didn’t involve me in your life. It has always been a one-dimensional relationship.

In fact, relationship is a far-too generous way of describing it. Right now, the only word I can think of is abuse.

Don’t deny it – you’ve hurt me again and again. You might try to explain it away. You got too excited. You think that’s the way I like it. You were stressed and you took it out on me. But I think the emotional pain was worse. You made me feel worthless, ugly, shallow, shameful. Dirty.

I know this surprises you, this change in me, that I won’t be there the next time you come by. You never expected me to change, because change is foreign to you. You’re stuck at age 14, or maybe even 4. You assume you will always get what you want because you want it. You see nothing wrong with that. And if your wife or girlfriend won’t give you what you want, then it’s up to me. Or someone like me.

But I had a little accident and now I’m pregnant. Believe it or not, I had a good mother who set a good example to me of what a good mother should be. She believed in herself and she believed in me. For too many years, I have betrayed that belief, but I won’t do that any longer.

I am ashamed of what I did, but what I did is not who I am. I wasn’t true to who I am, but I never could erase it, the shining heart of me. It will shine again.

And so, John, all of you, I won’t be on the corner any longer, waiting for you.

I’m better than that.

StoryADay asked for an epistolary story today, based on a letter. So I decided to do a Dear John letter, with a twist.

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