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24th June
2011
posted by amber

Hysterical Scientists Predicting Doom

Kyle Jubenville, prominent astronomer, committed suicide yesterday in his California home. Dr. Jubenville is the third scientist this month to take his own life. A press release issued by the doctor prior to his unfortunate act which sadly included the carbon monoxide poisoning of himself,  his wife and their small son, cited the Verplank asteroid’s alleged collision course with earth as the reason.

White House science spokesperson, Ruth Gunning, urges calm over this rash of suicides, even as the controversy rages over the projected trajectory of the Verplank asteroid. She stated, “NASA researchers have determined conclusively, using telemetry from the Hubble, that the asteroid will miss Earth by a margin of at least 100,000 miles.” This panic engendered by the scientists takes attention away from our nation’s very real problems, such as pollution.”

Meanwhile, science faculties and students at universities across the nation continue to protest over the government’s decision to deny Hubble data to any scientists not employed by NASA.

General Gord Hengstler, acting head of NASA, said in response to last week’s UCLA riot during which several buildings were burned and two students shot to death that data from the Hubble had to be restricted due to continuing misrepresentation of the information by hysterical scientists predicting doom.

The Story 365 project is a year-long marathon of short story writing, with a new story posted every day on this website from May 1, 2011 – April 30, 2012. Stories must be a minimum of 200 words. Please help me by adding first line suggestions in the Comment section.

This story was inspired by a woman I heard interviewed on CBC radio who complained that the recent press release from top marine scientists about imminent extinction of many ocean species took the public’s attention away from very real problems, such as over-fishing.

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